I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
