my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
