my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
