literally had 100 drinks last night.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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