is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
3 2 1 whiskey
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
