When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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