To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize