shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
