we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
