Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
