I'm really into asian looking animals
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
