I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
