dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
