if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I AM VODKA MAN
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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