just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
