oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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