I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize