so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
