new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
