the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
