i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
