Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dear god my vagina.
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