it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
