Don't you send me to vm
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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