Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
