I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
