Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pants are for mortals
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
