he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
