I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize