We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
