I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
