I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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