Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
