it's like iHOP with fire
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
