We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
