i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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