im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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