WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I need moral support for this bender
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
