i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
