I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
