I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
