guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
