Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
