yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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