Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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