This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
