this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
