You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
