So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
