I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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