it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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