And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
