He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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