Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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