if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
