Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
