Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
