I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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