I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
