I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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