why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
