He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
a search helicopter?!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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