Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
