Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
