I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize