Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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