he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
